A forgotten reminder...

A sudden turn of events in my life has had me thinking often about my past...

Here goes an anecdote of one of those hardly recollected, but never really forgotten memories...

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15:20 hrs: Just ten minutes for the last hour at school to get over... I had an appointment today at 16:30 hrs... Was really not looking forward to this... but I had to... It had been made clear to me that unless this appointment was kept up regularly, I would have a tough time at school (like that would make me look forward to having these appointments) I hate the way my Geography teacher "sang" her lectures... I was seriously considering complaining to the cops about my school having Geography (of all the boring subjects) for the last hour...

15:30 hrs: The wait is over... Its finally that time of the day where I put school woes behind me... Head to the ground and treat myself to a wonderful game of cricket with my classmates. Ooops... The appointment...

15:40 Hrs: I screech to a stop at the house gates on my tattered Hero ATB Cycle... The poor thing could have screamed in agony... But alas... No voice there... Thankfully... I felt a strange buzzing sensation in my head...

16:20 Hrs: I'm ready for this appointment... Dressed just about casual, feeling fresh after a quick bath, I was almost impressed with myself for managing to look lookable (I know this is not right usage, like I cared)... While on the surface, I wanted to run away from this faster than the roadrunner could have even imagined running from the coyote, deep inside, a strange feeling stirred in me... It almost felt like... Why was I smiling???

16:22 Hrs: On my way to this appointment, I happened to pass the ground where my friends, as usual, were spanking the ball marked with our school principal's name on it... The pleasure it gave us to just batter a ball with her name on it... was simply sadistic...

16:25 Hrs: A quick reflex, a brilliant hand-eye co-ordination and an even quicker transmission of the same to the bat sent the ball gliding across the rooftop of the tallest building near the ground... SIX.... Two more followed, on fresh balls (no puns intended here, but the reader is free to imagine)...I was the hero of the match...

16:35 Hrs: That strange buzzing sensation in my head, and I can't recollect what else, reminded of how I had imagined this evening was going to be very boring...

THE APPOINTMENT... I just raced, my cycle gave up all thoughts of screeching and screaming, I had kept it busy rolling... Tour De France, was not very far away...

16:40 Hrs: I find myself at the doorstep of a medium sized apartment... The person I was going to see had a dubious reputation of being unforgiving and mean... and I was not keen on seeing a demonstration of the same...

Panting and puffed out, sweaty and haggard, looking absolutely unlookable (I said, I don't care about the usage)... I rang the bell furiously, like ringing the bell like that would justify my being ten minutes late...

An ordinarily dressed, shy looking girl answered to my desperate ringing...

GIRL: Yes?

ME: Has Rekha miss come?

GIRL: No... Not yet...

Me: Oh... Thank God...



That, was the last time I played cricket on that ground....

Why?

Some people who have the right to me ask me this question:

Why do you do this to yourself? What will you get by being SO generous to everybody?

Well... Here's my answer...


There are 3 reasons for this...

1. I choose not to expect.. and get hurt/disappointed...

2. There are just 2 things I believe in... Mind and Matter... I don't mind and Nobody else matters...

3. Click Here

Hmmm... Hope this answers the question. It did for me.

Lunch With Beckham...

No... I did not win no contests... Neither did I dream up a lunch with the popular soccer player... What follows... is just an extract of one of those pathetic days in my life... where the man... purely by virtue of his existence and wealth... managed to leave me with a foul taste...

Here goes...

12:59 Hrs: just about that time of the day when the whistles in my belly begin their slow hum...

I ask my lunch-mate if it was time... and sure enough... the whistles in her belly were roaring... as usual...

13:12 Hrs: I realize I have the "esteemed" company of one other colleague, A apart from the usual L and M. WOW!!!...

13:20 Hrs The girls have finally managed to decide upon one place for lunch... and I'm thinking to myself, I could have finished lunch and got back by now...

13:30 Hrs: We are here... as are a zillion other executives from all the other unthinkable, unimaginable planets in this Universe... All dressed in formals... carrying on them varying levels of stench... and just one clear aim... LUNCH...

What follows now is an abridged version of the quadralogue (for lack of a better word) that happened... and how it left me wondering... and that foul taste in my mouth...

L: hey... Did you know that team this guy David Beckham played for... Who was it?

M: Real Madrid ???

L: Nooooooo.... not that one... the one he used to play for earlier....

M: Ha... Manchester United! What about it...

L: Ya... It seems they gave 40 million dollars for Beckham....

ME:(clueless about football) Who gave 40 million to whom? Madrid to Manchester... or to Beckham?

L: No stupid... It seems he is very popular in America...

ME:??? What does that have to do with what I just asked you?

M:(He seems to have understood something) Actually... He is very popular in the South East ... in Thailand and all...

L: He is popular in America ony because of Posh...But she's so fat...

ME: A ha... really....

A:(Looking to re-define her purpose in this Universe... In the menu) I wonder if the Dosa's here are good....

ME: ???

M:(Beginning to sound like an encyclopedia… and feeling good about it…) Did u know he earns 120,000 pounds in a week... That... Not including the endorsements...

L: Goddd... Why should some people get so much money in life?

ME:(Beginning to look for some humor) Coz they cant use it after they are dead...

L:(Irritated.. As expected) Shuduuuuuppppp....

A:(Not giving a s**t about how much Beckham earns and what is Posh's waist size)I will take one Mini-Meals...

L:(Looking dreamy...) God... I wish I could get just about 10% of that money...

M:(Not to miss his chance) 1%... will do...

ME:I can't imagine YOU playing football... I mean... NO....

L: How rude!!! Anyway... If I could get so much money... even I would play football...

M:(Can't help spitting his juice out)Beckham!!! Take cover… here comes the L effect…

L:But seriously... I mean... look at how much money he gets... just for kicking a stupid ball around... and we… have to slog our asses and nobody even bothers…

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This is where I lost it... I mean... not literally... I got thinking...

Did someone like Beckham start making money simply by kicking the ball around?

Is this all that people like L can understand from the life of people like him?

Did he not have to work his way up to where he was?

It irked me to see materialism in its most prevalent, blatant, blunt and unappealing form... In the form of a person who could switch to a new life style...
A person who seemed ready to give up on anything/anyone for the money that Beckham earns...

It reminded me of the conversation I had with someone I respect... We had spoken about LEAGUES... about how one person may be in different league compared to another for different aspects in life... aspects like self-control, expectations, clarity of thought, articulation, grammatical accuracy, sexiness, confidence and the like...

I compelled myself to look at the child in L and feel that desperation she had… the unfulfilled desire for the material pleasures that money could buy… something I could never bring myself to feel… or understand…

Looking at L made pity the hundreds of souls I see every day… “Slogging their asses off” to earn that extra buck… to satisfy that extra desire… to live a life defined by slavery to the senses… I pity the people who cannot see themselves as other people… I pity those people who cannot make themselves realize that they are slaves… of their senses… of themselves…

At this table, having my lunch, I found myself in a league so different... a league so distant... a league so lonely…

With a foul taste in my mouth... I found myself... looking beyond...

Nothin else matters...

That smile...

... at any cost...

...no matter what...

Nothing else matters...

Calvinism... A matter of Choice...

Calvinism emphasizes the depravity of man and the complete sovereignty of God. God's plan for the world and every soul that he has created is guided by his will, or providence...

...the idea that man has a free will and is able to make choices independently of what God has already determined is based on our limited understanding of God's perfection and the illusion created by Satan that we are able to reject God's plan for us...

I find this a little odd...

If God really was the all powerful, almighty FATHER of all us "depraved" children and has given us free will, why does one have to make a "Choice" when his choices have been decided upon already... or is this the almighty God's idea of making one think that a choice is there to make...

What is choice???

Reminds me of the Merovingian....

More on this... Hopefully soon... Ain't got no choices there.... Or do I?

Pain.... or Pleasure???

I got this nice lil forward by SMS from a friend:

- The world mocks at me... coz I'm so different...
I laugh back... coz they are all so much the same...

When I look at them, I feel the need to remain unconditional... to move on...

To exist.... in the Beyond.

Understand...

To understand that somebody else's feelings may be as important as your own... or to accept that you may not feel anything at all... seems to be an entirely different ball game...

But then, is it not human to make mistakes... if it really is so... is one not giving himself the this convenient and easy license to just make mistakes... so where does one draw the lines... between

people being able to take responsibility for their follies and justify their pointless existence... and calling it human... to not understand... no not accept... to not admit... to not learn...

and

people admitting AND accepting themselves... and moving on...

easier said that done huh???

after all... we are all human... are we not???

At last...

Yes...

At last...

After all the coaxing and begging my friends have done asking me to start "recording" my thoughts, wat i had to say, wat i felt and wat i did not...

I'm here...