up the wall...
that feeling of wanting to just break out and screaming until your lungs hurt...
that feeling where you feel driven up the wall with demands, demands and more demands...
exactly what i am going through right now a this very moment, and to add to the pain, there is the omni-present "better than what you could do" set of references that exist... just so that i can realise the exact smallness and proportion of what i could do...
I have always been pitted into competing with people who are older, more experienced, are earning better and can deliver to expectation just because they have had the time to learn and then earn and here i am trying to fit into their league, trying to already grab my future years in advance... I have, for some time now, felt i do not have to go through all this... i do not have to push myself to know more, to earn more...
but then, was this not what i have defined my very purpose as... to fulfil demands, or die trying??? my very motivation, the driving force behind what i am right now at this very moment seems to be complementing this motto of living this uphill fulfillment... life has its own set of tricks to slap irony in your face huh???
I ask myself, why should i have to bother about material needs and physical pleasures... i know there is a beyond to this and i have been there too...
so what does one do when he has been complained to - not about the fact that he cant deliver, but about the disappointment that expectations were not fulfilled AND there are better options available, which one could not offer...
The oracle said that you cannot see beyond the choices you understand, but what about those choices you just cannot make...
i feel tied down, penting up with frustration - not of the demands being made, or of people's lack of understanding of me... i feel frustrated of my inability to deliver, my inability to scale up and understand... when i promised i would...
i wish someone could help me out with this paradox of being stretched into something i am not, and putting my foot down to be what i am (at the cost of everything that matters)...
that feeling where you feel driven up the wall with demands, demands and more demands...
exactly what i am going through right now a this very moment, and to add to the pain, there is the omni-present "better than what you could do" set of references that exist... just so that i can realise the exact smallness and proportion of what i could do...
I have always been pitted into competing with people who are older, more experienced, are earning better and can deliver to expectation just because they have had the time to learn and then earn and here i am trying to fit into their league, trying to already grab my future years in advance... I have, for some time now, felt i do not have to go through all this... i do not have to push myself to know more, to earn more...
but then, was this not what i have defined my very purpose as... to fulfil demands, or die trying??? my very motivation, the driving force behind what i am right now at this very moment seems to be complementing this motto of living this uphill fulfillment... life has its own set of tricks to slap irony in your face huh???
I ask myself, why should i have to bother about material needs and physical pleasures... i know there is a beyond to this and i have been there too...
so what does one do when he has been complained to - not about the fact that he cant deliver, but about the disappointment that expectations were not fulfilled AND there are better options available, which one could not offer...
The oracle said that you cannot see beyond the choices you understand, but what about those choices you just cannot make...
i feel tied down, penting up with frustration - not of the demands being made, or of people's lack of understanding of me... i feel frustrated of my inability to deliver, my inability to scale up and understand... when i promised i would...
i wish someone could help me out with this paradox of being stretched into something i am not, and putting my foot down to be what i am (at the cost of everything that matters)...
Labels: frustration, irony, me
posted by LeeB at 7/18/2007 02:11:00 PM
2 Comments:
1)i can tell you out of experience, that the 'one thing at a time' idea works. what is priority should be decided by what you think is important and logically sound, than the fact that if it would keep someone happy to deliver to them first.
The person will have to deal with that fact, and if he/she is objective they will understand.
2) You have delivered probably way beyond wat was expected. PPl are PPl they will keep expecting. It is sad that you didnt have a choice on deciding certain very important decisions in yourlife, but then you have proven that you are capable of doing as good as people who have had the experience, professionally or personally.
3)You are one of my biggest inspirations and i hold a lot of respect to the fact that inspite of your frustrations, you stil end up being my best friend, my security and confidante.:)
People should read this.
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